According to research, there are more and more sexless marriages and long-term relationships in recent years. Although it is a common belief that women are the ones who refuse to have sex, it turns out that the situation is the opposite. In other words, when there is no sex in marriage, the refusal is most often coming from men.
What to do when you find yourself in such a situation? Should a lack of sex require a divorce or end a long-term relationship? There is no easy answer.
Staying or getting out of a marriage due to the lack of sex depends on other things in the relationship. It also depends on how important sex is to each partner. The reasons for not having sex and the time without sex should be considered as well.
For example, not having sex for a few months could mean that one of the partners is having some health issues, or they’re bored with the same old sex positions. However, if he or she has refused to have sex for a couple of years, then the situation is most likely more serious.
Is Sex Missing Because You no Longer Like Your Partner?
Sexless marriage happens for a variety of reasons. It can occur from change in a behavior or the lack of sexual chemistry.
Most of the time, one of the partners convinces himself or herself that the other one is “the one.” As time goes by, one of the partners can change their attitude or have a lack of physical appeal towards the other person. If their partner cannot accept this new person, it’s almost impossible to make the relationship work.
If there is no sexual attraction, the relationship will not survive. Naturally, people need to connect at all levels, but the sexual chemistry is one of the keys to a stable relationship. One should not enter into serious relationships if the attraction element is not strong enough right at the beginning.
However, many people go into such relationships. What do you do if you are stuck in one of those? The decision is, of course, up to you. If you think that sexual chemistry can build over time, do your best to make it. Try out new sex positions or dress up for the date night.
Nonetheless, sex positions and sexy clothes don’t do the trick every time.
Moreover, spouses can become more stressed and angry if they refuse to have sex. Not having sex can form a vicious circle of not trusting your partner, becoming less interested in them, and lastly, not wanting to be intimate with them.
The following are other reasons that can cause a sexless marriage.
- incompatible libido
- conflicts in a relationship
- passive aggression
- erectile dysfunction
- psychological issues
- history of sexual abuse
- porn addiction
Sex Is Not the Most Crucial Thing in a Marriage, but if There Is None, It Becomes a Problem
Sex is passionate and frequent at the beginning of every relationship. As you and your partner grow together, you have to adapt to various situations, all of which can take a toll on your sex life.
What can you do to work it through? You can talk. When you’re feeling something’s wrong with your relationship, it's time to sit down and tell each other everything that’s bothering you.
Once you face the issues, there is a good chance that all aspects of your relationship will be resolved. Relationships like these have the highest chance of success and reawakening of sexual activity, so don't give up and give it your best.
There are many reasons why sex in a marriage disappears. Whatever they are, you have to deal with them. Sex is not the most significant thing in a marriage, but if there is none, then it becomes the biggest problem.
Lack of sex in a long relationship or marriage brings numerous psychological problems and lowers self-esteem. The result is two unlucky people. Talking or even professional help could be beneficial if the issues are psychological.
What Can You Do About Your Sexless Marriage?
If you and your spouse don’t have sex as frequently as you would want, here's what you can do.
Be honest about your sexual needs, and share your wishes and ideas with your partner.
Maybe your partner has a similar attitude about sex as you do. You can’t know that unless you are ready to speak up and listen to your spouse.
Avoid routine sex.
Sometimes you initiate sex and sometimes let the other partner do it, try new positions, and generally experiment and try to get the most out of it. Break the monotony and find new places to have sex.
Do not reject sex for non-existent reasons.
The constant rejection of either partner isn’t exactly motivating. If you do not currently have the strength to have sex, try a massage or small signs of affection and attention.
Take your time and listen to each other.
Sex is a serious topic in marriage. If you feel you need to discuss it, go ahead. Eye contact enhances the level of intimacy when you talk. If you touch each other when talking, you can make the conversation closer and warmer.