Please, don’t ever do that again
Things are heating up, and you are about to have a night of hot sex with the cutie you went home with. Until…(fill in here with your biggest turn-off.) Body odor, a loud tv in the background, the person who glares at you for requesting you have sex in private (without the dog and cat on the bed), screaming an ex’s name. We’ve heard it all.
Below is a collection of the biggest turn-offs in bed. Basically, it’s your guide for all things not to do during sex.
Please note, sex and preferences are always personal, and you’ll sooner achieve maximum pleasure through open and direct communication. Do you like something that might be a turn-off for some? Cool, just be sure to communicate that to your boo beforehand—otherwise, air on the side of caution with the points listed below. You may be surprised, as some are rudimentary forms of sex etiquette!
- Looking at your phone
Sounds like common sense, no? You’d be surprised to know this shocking figure: 1 in 10 people check their phones during sex. Yep, you read that right. We want to ensure you that a game of Words with Friends can wait until you’ve both had an orgasm. Nothing is as great a turn-off as seeing your partner completely disengaged with you and the sex you are having, so much so that they sneak a peek at their phone.
Do people spit during sex? Why yes, they do. Spitting during sex might be a behavior that most people learn from mainstream porn. You know, the buff guy spits into his hand and applies his spit as if it were lube to someone’s vulva. Solution? Use actual lube instead. It works better than spit, anyway. There are too many mainstream porn implementations of spit: spitting on a penis, spitting into someone’s mouth, and spitting directly onto someone’s vulva. So many issues arise when we look to porn for sex ed! Mind your manners, and make sure to ask before you hock a loogie on someone’s junk.
Many people feel aroused by the sexual stimulus of hearing their partner moan in bed. Psychologically, it reaffirms that you are wanted, and they are enjoying the experience and receiving pleasure. It makes sense, then, that a vast turn-off in bed is when there is radio silence. Is the sex boring? Can you perfectly hear a stranger’s conversation outside the window? Feel free to let your partner know (audibly) that the sex is hot when it’s working.
- Request the lights off after getting started
Just one more thing before I come, babe, can you get the lights? It’s one thing to be a bit self-conscious in bed; everyone feels this from time to time. But if you request the lights off after things heat up with no reason to offer to your partner, they might assume that it’s them and you’re not attracted to their body.
- Expecting your partner to do everything
Sex is about mutual exchange and reciprocity, and no one likes a limp fish. Expecting one person to do all the heavy lifting or pleasure-giving during sex gets old fast, even though everyone takes turns from time to time.
- Bunny rabbit sex
Again, we revisit the topic of things we learn from mainstream porn that don’t translate well to a real-life bedroom. Enter bunny rabbit sex. If you’re unfamiliar, this sex entails fast thrusting, lots of friction, and rarely any clitoral stimulation. Pro tip: if you’re using someone’s body as a masturbation tool, you’re not having sex; you’re jacking off. Have a need for speed? Just check in with your partner to make sure it’s feeling good.
- Are you close yet?
You can guarantee that if you ask this question during sex, your partner will end up a whole lot farther away from being close than they would had you not asked. Also, if you have to ask, the answer is probably no. Asking someone if they are close yet signifies that you’re ready to be done with sex and are waiting for them to climax rather than enjoying the process. Instead of racing to an orgasm, try enjoying the ride and taking the pressure off orgasming to begin with, which can increase the chances of reaching it. No one likes to feel rushed!
- Bringing up the ex
“My ex used to do this really hot thing” is a perfect way to start a conversation about how you’re invited to leave. No one likes to think of someone’s ex in the bedroom.
- Bad hygiene
Bad breath, body odor, dirty sheets, the smell of cigarettes, and unfiled nails. These are all no’s in the bedroom. Before and after sex, make sure to practice your grooming skills. Scent can be a massive motivator in arousal, so good hygiene is more important than you think!
- Anything without communication that might warrant it
People all have different turn-ons, and what might have sent a past lover reeling to ecstasy might be cringe-worthy to a new lover. Some of these items include dirty talk, spanking, or specific kinks. If you’re bringing something new to the bedroom, it might warrant a quick check-in beforehand so that your turn-on doesn’t cross over into turn-off territory.