Having an orgasm is (most of the time) the ultimate goal of having sex. Every woman can achieve it if the circumstances are right and if you use the right tools, such as lubricants. Still, some women are incapable of experiencing an orgasm, either with their partner or alone. Let’s see what causes orgasmic dysfunction and what you can do if you can’t orgasm but would love to.
What Causes the Inability to Orgasm?
According to one study, somewhere between 10 to 40 percent of women have difficulty or an inability to reach orgasm in their sex life. The causes range from psychological and social to physical, such as diabetes or spinal damage. Medicines women take daily can also affect the ability to reach orgasm. Antidepressants and contraceptive pills fall into this category.
Moreover, younger females who have not yet been in longer sexual relationships have a bigger possibility of enduring an orgasmic dysfunction. On the other hand, it will happen less frequently for women after the age of 35 since more sexual experience teaches you what you like and how to enjoy it.
Last, the image of your own vagina is extremely important. It is not uncommon for women with orgasmic dysfunction to describe their genitals as repulsive or ugly. The discomfort also comes from other factors, such as experiencing stronger body odor, having a distorted image of your body or being over, or underweight. When these things are distracting and embarrassing, the ability to focus during sex and having an orgasm is miles away.
Detect the Problem and Solve It
1. You expect vaginal sex should suffice
The fact is that not a lot of women can achieve orgasm only through penetrative sex. If you aren’t in the small group of women who can do that, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with your body or with you.
It has to do with the positioning of your clitoris and the vaginal opening. If the clitoris is closer to the vaginal opening, vaginal sex can easily stimulate the clitoris, making it possible to have an orgasm. In case you can’t experience it that way, you need extra stimulation of the clitoris when having sex. You can either tell your partner to do it or you can do it yourself.
2. Your partner puts pressure on you
Both you and your partner should enjoy sex. However, if you’re having sex with someone who only wants to know whether you had an orgasm or not, it will cause a delay in orgasm or the inability to have one. Plus, if your partner overly criticizes your sex performance, it can also lead you to not having an orgasm.
If your partner is doing either of these things, it's time to talk. Tell him you appreciate what he thinks, but if you feel the pressure, you should say it kills your sexual arousal. Give an idea of what would help you to reach orgasm.
3. Antidepressants can hugely impact your desire for sex
Many people struggle with disorders of psychological nature, and clinical depression is one of them. There’s nothing wrong with taking them. Nonetheless, in case you’re taking this type of medication, it can have a huge impact on your libido. Some of its side effects are reduced sexual desire, delayed orgasm, or orgasmic dysfunction.
If you notice there is a significant drop in your sexual desire and you have difficulties reaching an orgasm, talk to your psychiatrist and talk about your problem to find a solution.
4. Contraceptive pills can lower your libido
According to one study, oral hormonal contraception can “cause female sexual response impairment,” meaning that for some women, contraceptive pills will lower their libido and/or cause difficulty in reaching orgasm, missing it, or significantly less frequently achieving it.
If you are using contraceptive pills and notice changes in your libido or orgasm, talk to your gynecologist about changing your oral hormonal contraception or an alternative if you want to prevent pregnancy.
5. Anxiety follows you everywhere
As if all the stresses of the modern world aren’t enough, anxiety can follow you everywhere. Even into the bedroom. Anxiety is a condition caused by an imbalance between neurotransmitters. When your hormone levels fall out of balance, it can affect your intimate relationship with your partner.
If the anxiety controls you and you feel discouraged even to have sex, let alone reaching an orgasm, talk to your partner or our friend. If you don’t find your answers, it’s best to visit a professional for help.
6. Sex doesn't last long enough
Fast sex can be very exciting and unavoidable when you have no time or place for foreplay. However, more extended periods of genital stimulation, oral sex, and intense kissing all contribute to a woman’s ability to experience orgasm.
Make sure always to find a little time for the mentioned activities since they will most likely make you reach orgasm.
7. Sexual trauma could be the cause
If you suffer from sexual trauma, it undoubtedly has an impact on your sexual life and the power to reach an orgasm. Sexual trauma could be the cause of uneasy muscle tension at penetration, as well as not being able to communicate your sexual feelings to your partner.
If you are recovering from such trauma, it is in your best interest to work with your partner, as well as your therapist on your mental and physical issues. It can, and it will get better.
8. You have a distorted body image
Most of the time, you’ll be attracted to the person you’re having sex with. But sometimes it happens that you think less of your body and believe you aren’t worthy. It is essential to remind yourself that your partner wanted to have sex with you because he or she is attracted to your body as well as you as a person.
One way to get rid of the distorted body image is to look at yourself naked. If you hate a specific part of your body, like your stomach, go to the gym and work on it. If you don’t want to do that, ask your partner what he or she likes on your body. The answer might surprise you.
How Often Do You Orgasm?
How often do you orgasm? Do you agree with our list, or do you think we left some reasons out? Let us know in the comments below!